I'm reminded today of God's amazing protection and His watchful eye when we don't even know what is happening. Because Emily is living in potentially dangerous situations and constantly dealing with illness, satanic forces like witchcraft, spiritism, human trafficking, and possible government unrest, I assume that God hears my constant prayers for her protection and brings out His full regiment of angels for full-time duty on the World Race. I'm counting on that. I know He wants us to pray without ceasing and that He hears and answers prayers. And I assume that He wants what I want, right?! My prayer life has developed strongly in the last month!! Even though I've always prayed consistently for my family, I depend even more on this discipline now and realize it's essential for my daily existence. It's my oxygen. Yeah....duh.
Okay, I said I assumed God is on guard for Emily and her team. Then last night, we get a call (thankfully from our son, Philip) who was at the scene of a bad accident in which he and five other college friends totaled their vehicle, and other than being very shaken and dealing with possible mild concussions, bruises and small cuts, they were all fine! They came so close to being seriously injured or killed when their van hit black ice and they swerved between lanes of traffic and crashed into another car. I knew they were driving in bad weather and I didn't have a good feeling about it, so I texted him to be extra careful and prayed a lot yesterday for their safety. I kept wondering when we would hear that he was back safely which I assumed would be the case. When the call came, I was overwhelmingly aware of how close we came to losing him and how grateful I was to God for protecting them.
I realized that I am helpless to control my children's circumstances and completely and utterly dependent on God's will and direction for their lives. I have nothing to do with it.....I don't even know how to pray sometimes because I don't know where they are and what they are doing. I don't even know what dangers lurk every minute around them, and when I do know, I'm terrified and humbled. And why is it that I live under the illusion that just because Philip lives in this country and is "safely" in college, that somehow I am in more control of what happens to him? Neither of my kids are under my watchful eye or in my constant care! All I have in my arsenal against the dangers and snares of this world are my prayers.....and I'm learning that that's enough!
I'm realizing that I'm completely vulnerable, that I've never been in charge (thank goodness), that God always has had control and will do as He pleases with what belongs to Him. My kids are not really mine, so who am I to tell God what to do with them. So, I plead and beg for His mercy and protection and thank Him daily for allowing me to be their caregiver for another day, week, month, year. Ultimately, they are on loan and I don't even know what God has planned for their lives other than to glorify Himself through them. What does that involve? I'm learning about trust. Do I really trust God with my kids? There's that word "my" again. I've known intellectually all along that God does not need my advice or stamp of approval or "to do list" in order to accomplish His work. But do I continue to give these to Him daily.....you betcha! I have the theological answers for a lot of things until "my" kids are involved. Then I go weak in the knees and wake up at all hours of the night. God does not owe me a thing and can and will do what He wills..... my prayers may not be answered the way I script them to be. I usually give God limited possible choices for what I ask of Him...."Yes" is the preferable one, or "all of the above"...or occasionally a "maybe" as long as it doesn't cost me.
There's no guarantee that my prayers are best even for my own flesh and blood, so I'm humbled and even terrified by this. I know the Bible teaches some things that "seem" contradictory to our finite minds but actually are not. I like those verses about... 'all things work together for "good" to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose'.....check, I love Him and I'm called. On the other hand, I avoid the book of Job and verses like, 'though he slay me, yet will I hope in him.' So, I'm learning more each day about letting go.....mostly about taking back and holding on....but I intend to learn......tomorrow! It's scary. It shows me what I really truly believe or don't believe about God and His nature. If I really believe that He is good and He will do good, then I have to believe that about Him when something bad happens. That's tough stuff! I'll let you know how I'm doing as we go....it's a process.
No comments:
Post a Comment