Emily is in Africa. She was in Kenya last month and Uganda this month...her conditions have been rough, and our communication very limited. I hate being cut off from her...I have so many questions. Mostly, I miss seeing her face and feeling her hugs and having her company. I dreamed the other night for the first time since she left six months ago of our reunion...we were hugging and crying, so happy to see each other....then I woke up crying just like in my dream and realized it wasn't real. I seldom remember dreams, so this was vivid and bittersweet. I realized how much I need to see her and how the next three and half months will be a lot of the same...poor internet or no internet and lots of praying. Selfishly, I want the time to move along, but I also want her to embrace and experience each moment and savor the present day. Then today, I launched our son off to college, and the house became empty and way too quiet. I realize how much I actually like the sound of their voices and the activity around me.
I know we can't hold on to our children. If they fly out of the nest and find their way in life by using their gifts to love and serve others, and walk with God, then we can feel a peace that though we experience the physical absence from them, they will be all right, and they will be fulfilled.....and then so will we...but the process is painful and lonely. I try to treasure every moment I have with my kids, and talk to God a lot about them. He's patient even though I repeat myself all the time, and He even understands when I stare at their pictures a lot online and cry unexpectedly. He likes the sound of my voice, too. I realize that He really does understand...and it's comforting.
No comments:
Post a Comment