Runway Emotions

I've heard people say that they were minding their own business, sitting at a light on the way home, and a song came on, or a smell drifted in from a restaurant....and BAM, they dissolved into tears. All of a sudden, their emotions are transported right back to the person who loves that song or the last time they talked with a lost loved one, or the place where they had their last favorite meal with someone they miss. Emotions can ambush you, showing up at the most unexpected times and leave you perplexed...where did they come from?.....how can they be so strong?!

Yesterday, Phil and I were sitting at a restaurant called the Elephant Bar in San Francisco. Our big picture window looked out onto the bay and the runways of the airport. We were watching planes take off and land, enjoying a relaxed lunch, reminiscing about our time there. As I took a bite of my crab and shrimp salad, I looked out and watched a huge 747 jetliner from Singapore coast onto the runway. I'm thinking about how it is packed with passengers who have just ended a very long journey, and they are anxious to deplane and meet their loved ones. Out of nowhere, I am overwhelmed with emotion and begin to cry. Phil looks over at me and is shocked at the change in my demeanor from the minute before when we were smiling and laughing. He tries to figure it out and asks me if I need to leave. Tears are pouring down my cheeks, and I feel like I'm about to really sob. I realized the minute I saw the plane coming in that my mind had jumped to waiting for Emily's plane from Asia to land, bringing her home to us after eleven long months of separation. I imagined myself as one of those loved ones at the arrival gate, holding a sign, searching the faces, and anticipating that moment when we would finally be reunited and I could put my arms around her once again. I realized that I had been holding in so many emotions for so long, not allowing myself to let them escape, knowing that once free, there would be no stopping my tears. I realized at that one moment how much I longed to let go of fears and look into her eyes again....how much I've really really missed her....painfully missed her. I knew that the restaurant wasn't the place or time to experience the full onslaught of those feelings, so I fought them back into submission again. I feel so raw, so vulnerable...

But I can wait two more months...

Generation Cause

One of the trademarks of this generation is globalization. Through the internet and travel, the whole world is accessible. Awareness motivates our young adults to enact change by driving energy and passion towards causes needed worldwide without letting hurdles and obstacles hold them back. At the very least, they are going and seeing and learning and doing what they can to make a difference. They don’t let language barriers, financial limitations, or inexperience restrain them…they’ve already reached a comfort level with these issues and found a way to jump the hurdles in order to pursue their goals. Their biggest fear is inaction and complacency. Cultures may be slow in changing, but these world changers are more available now than any time in history to carry out divine tasks and do so without fear and excuse. Even without expertise, they push ahead and strive for excellence, if possible, but accept that working towards a goal may mean achieving it the best way they can while preserving the culture and dignity of those they go to serve rather than imposing directives from their first-world church. Therefore, though they don’t compromise their message of love and their purpose of reaching lost people for Christ, they also intend to meet the physical needs of their global friends and realize that it’s a process, that what they begin may not come to fruition until they’re gone. They accept that they’re part of a plan and not meant to receive the glory for accomplishing it. I heard a quote that describes this generation admirably; it seems they embrace it as they follow God and serve Him… and it says, ”there’s no limit to the good a man can do if he doesn’t care who gets the credit.” ~ Albert Schweitzer. If egotism is not what motivates a person, then there’s no limit to what he or she can achieve with others working as a team rather than as individuals striving for recognition. This generation defines why the mission of the World Race has gained so much momentum in the last five years. I’ve recognized these characteristics in the World Racers as I’ve read their blogs and followed their journeys. As a result, they are gleaning new values from their experiences which are shaping their adult lives and ensuring that they will mark their generation and the one to come for Christ and His kingdom.

Her Prayer Came True

One year ago, Emily posted the following...

Courtesy of my friend, Matt, this Franciscan benediction has become a favorite of mine. It explains who I hope to be and what I hope to do on the World Race.
 
May God bless you with discomfort
At easy answers, half-truths,
And superficial relationships
So that you may live deep
Within your heart.
 
May God bless you with anger
At injustice, oppression,
And exploitation of people,
So that you may work for justice,
Freedom, and peace.
 
May God bless you with tears
To shed for those who suffer pain,
Rejection, hunger, and war,
So that you may reach out your
Hand to comfort them and
To turn their pain into joy.
 
And may God bless you with
Enough foolishness
To believe that you can make
A difference in the world,
So that you can do what others
Claim cannot be done,
And bring justice and kindness to
All our children and the poor.

I read it again this morning and was shocked at how much of it has already happened! This prayer is described all through her blogs...it gives me chills how true it has been. Read some of her blogs and see how God took her seriously. http://www.emilytuttle.theworldrace.org ; especially the ones on "Mae" in Thailand and a recent one called "Carry the Weight".

Emily is about to begin Month 10 in Laos. She will be home in two months. It seems like yesterday that we said goodbye and watched her walk away.

This year has changed her life forever.
 

God Can Handle Knowing It All...I Can't!

I used to think it would be so interesting to be like God and be able to know everything...or at least the things I wanted to know, like what my kids are doing....that is until the World Race. It's probably a good thing I don't know everything that's happening on the World Race.

...such as the time she was robbed in Peru. A thief broke into her apartment and stole her computer, hard drive, and camera. Thankfully, she was not there.

...And the time she was on the back of a motorcycle and the driver proposed to her twice hoping for a free ticket to America.

...And the time she got a tattoo....and those blood tests she had along the way to test for different diseases....thankfully the needles were clean and the tests were negative.

...And the time she flew out of the raft into class 4 rapids in the Nile River...and didn't hit her head on a rock or get swept down the river....she did, however, swallow too much water and now her body is the home of several parasites. She's been sick for a month with intestinal issues....the darn little things are hard to kick!  

I did get the opportunity to experience answered prayer with her. She stayed home sick one Sunday, and the hosts, not knowing she stayed there, locked the doors of her house for security. She couldn't get out to the outhouse. She texted us in the middle of the night our time, and we prayed for someone to return to the house so she could get relief. Sure enough, they did.

...And there was the time her teammate was a victim of a snatch and drag robbery along the road in Africa and was covered with cuts and bruises.

...And the number of malaria and typhoid cases in her house.

...And the number of bottles of impure water she drank. In Africa, it is common for some companies to refill the water bottles with impure tap water and reseal the tops to be sold again.

I'm sure there have been and will continue to be many more near misses and close calls and dangerous situations during her journey...some we'll hear about, and some we won't until later or not at all. It's these times that I'm glad I'm not all knowing, and I'm glad that those many nights I woke up and prayed(because I believe God woke me up and prompted me to), He was answering my prayers, protecting and providing exactly what she needed.

I know Emily and I have both learned a lot about depending on God this year.

I'll Sleep in the Next Life....in this one, I'm a Mom

I just read Emily’s blog from one of her ongoing series entitled, “ My Life Is Weird”, and as I’m reading about her most recent out-of-the-ordinary situations that the World Race has afforded her in Kenya, it occurred to me almost shockingly that these stories are the reason that I haven’t gotten a good night’s sleep in recent history! I’ve mentioned how well exercised my prayer life has become during this year….well, that’s putting it mildly of late. We only hear from her once a week at best, and the internet connection is weak, so we’ll have this hour-long very shallow facebook chat consisting of asking each other how we’re doing, what we’re doing, and how much we miss each other…with five minute long interruptions in the connection between questions. It’s so frustrating and by the time I get the basics covered and want to get on to more important material, she’s signing off to leave, because we’re 10 hours a part in time…
So, as I’m reading these accounts of her life long after the fact, I’m realizing that all the times I wake up in the middle of night thinking that something might be wrong or that I wish I could communicate to her…those were the very situations that she’s writing about….and I’m aware that she and the team needed the extra prayer at these times…that even though I couldn’t talk to her and didn’t know all the details, God did, and He’s taught me this year to pray when I wake up for whatever reason rather than worry or speculate. I wake up a lot and it used to scare me, but now I pray, and from what I’ve just read, it’s a good thing that I did and that I didn’t know all the details. Emily has been in a few risky situations that she’s handled very wisely, and God protected her. Some of her team members have been sick, and God has provided medicine and healing. It’s about trust and dependence…it’s really hard and actually “exhausting”!
I always say that true rest is “eternal rest”, not meant to occur in this life….at least not for Moms! We’ll get our rest in the next life, because our children and husbands need extra prayer for now, and God knows we’re light sleepers!

Christian-culture Cocktail

It's interesting how humans universally define their worth based on tasks accomplished, financial status, material possessions, physical appearance and ability, and by their human relationships instead of on the basis of being created in the image of a loving God who desires that we not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of our minds in order to worship Him and serve Him as living sacrifices. We've been invited by the Most High to spend eternity with Him, and He's provided redemption from our sin through the death of His son on the cross...that's giving us a position of great worth! But we stubbornly believe that we have to earn His attention by our works and performance which ultimately leads us to believe that we deserve His attention and favor, which then leads us to believe that we're inherently good. Therefore if God places us in a position of strength and power, we can be the saviors of the world, rescuing the needy and remaking them in our image. Our culture has been stirred in to our thinking....like a Christian-culture cocktail!

It's odd... the way we deceive ourselves into thinking that our pursuits are what God really wants for us; we believe He'll provide what we want (because what we want is all good) and that's our idea of the abundant life. For the average Christian in America, it takes on similar forms of this...our happy healthy kids around us, a spacious comfortable clean place to live, preferably a private school education, an acceptable job which provides enough money to pay for anything we need, even some wants and a little extra for giving away, a church which wows us by its great teaching, challenges us but is light on guilt and demands little of our actual time and involvement, allowing us time for all our kids' sports and music events... throw in some good friends, a couple of vacations each year or a mission trip so we're globally-minded, and we're good.

As I read and hear the news in less fortunate parts of the world, the Christian life experience as I know it slams smack into the face of the one another person is experiencing, and the two are not compatible. My culture has had that much of an effect on me that I honestly have bought into the thinking that the American way is the Christian way and God will absolutely honor our wishes and bless our endeavors just because we ask Him to ....because He's God and He can...and we're right to believe in freedom and human rights and liberties, so God will honor those values. Yes, He can, but He doesn't have to and may not want to and doesn't owe us anything...and what about the people on the other side with no rights who are also praying to Him for provision, mercy, healing, food, jobs, and a humanitarian government. Are they less deserving? Are we even deserving at all? Entitlement creeps into my thinking almost imperceptively. Yes,I realize that if I picked any third-world country and instantly made it a developed first-world country with wealth and freedom and opportunity for all, then those people would also be spoiled and have an entitled mindset...it's not that Americans or Westerners are inherently this way...all people have the same tendency for self-absorption and gratification based on their living conditions and life circumstances, and if their understanding of God is that He's the great provider of life as they like it, then they'll be believers! Of course that's true, but I happen to be the one experiencing the good life at the moment.

So why the confusion and discontentment? I'm reminded that I need to see myself as God sees me and go to the Bible as my source to find my worth, to recognize my sinful state and need for the only solution to my sin, my savior Jesus Christ, and discover what the abundant life actually is...not what my culture has redefined it to be... which has always been skewed towards self-sufficiency... individualism and independence (that's the American way)... being so careful to separate church and state that by doing so, we've come up with a new recipe for Christianity by mixing culture into it. The result is that we've distanced ourselves from God just enough so that what He thinks and what He defines as essential truth has become blurred and undiscernible. It's like we've become inoculated against the real thing, so we're not experiencing authentic Christian life. No wonder we're discontent and disillusioned! Oops, I'm mixing my metaphors...let's just say that too many cocktails can blur your thinking and create a false sense of reality...is that better? Sorry...

I am realizing the inconsistencies in my mind as I've had discussions with Emily during her college years and I read scripture, and lately as I follow the blogs of the World Racers this year and watch their experiences with other cultures, other races and people groups. As they have this opportunity to remove themselves from their own cultural influences, I wonder if they are struggling with these same internal battles, and how objectively can they evaluate the onslaught of other ideologies and influences which will inevitably present themselves. A lot of them are on the WR because of this...they have been taught and challenged in their Bible and Anthropology and Sociology classes, and they're disturbed by the idea of one culture defining and imposing its will on all cultures, that the old-school way of doing mission work is no longer acceptable in their minds...now they hope to see the world with new eyes and deliver their message of Christ's love with a more humble and servant-hearted approach. I admire this generation's fervor and global perspective...they really do have a better understanding of biblical values and why all people are worth loving and saving...and for their young unscrambled minds, it's not that big of a task to filter and expunge all the cultural impurities that have muddied the waters, but for my old brain, it seems too daunting. Where do we start? How do we know what's culture and what's actual Christian truth? They seem wiser in some ways, and hopefully will be more successful than my generation at what's really essential...keeping their focus on God and His Word which is pure, unchanging, timeless, and relevant to all people in all cultures and also on His ultimate goal which is that one day, all will bow and worship Him and know the truth.

Colossians 2:8 See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and
deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and
the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ.

Community

I've been reminded about the importance of community as I've read the blogs of Emily and her teammates on the World Race these past 7 months. They have become family to each other, and as is true with families, some days are difficult and full of conflict, and other days are marked by celebrating high moments or shouldering each others' burdens, but the average day is living together in community...six or seven people from all different backgrounds sharing the same space while adjusting to new cultures, new languages...their challenge is accepting one another and honoring Christ.

It's common for the teams to be divided up along the way allowing new leaders to emerge and avoid becoming ingrown and too comfortable. But the leadership of the World Race has a policy whereby teams who are struggling to function well because of interpersonal conflicts are required to stay together until these are worked out rather than leaving problems unresolved. In the short term, it seems frustrating and inefficient, but in the long run, it's best for the racers' future relationships and personal development. I applaud this, because in real life, you can't just remove a person who annoys you at work or at church, and even though many marriages dissolve from "irreconcilable" differences, it's God's desire that we grow through our differences and learn to forgive each other. By not interrupting this process on the World Race, team members usually learn to love one another. That seems to be the case with Team Wreckonciled (aptly named)!

A healthy team manages to have fun together in creative ways to endure the monotony at times. It warmed my heart when Emily told me about their Christmas in July celebration. The guys bought the girls ice cream, and dinner was hamburgers, mashed potatoes with gravy, and loaded fries...a complete departure of their normal fare. They read the Christmas story, listened to Christmas carols, and had a secret Santa gift exchange. I watched the video and laughed so hard..their gifts seemed to reflect their growing fondness for each other! Their spirits were lifted and the whole event provided a much needed evening of jolliness!

Community is born in these moments...