Runway Emotions

I've heard people say that they were minding their own business, sitting at a light on the way home, and a song came on, or a smell drifted in from a restaurant....and BAM, they dissolved into tears. All of a sudden, their emotions are transported right back to the person who loves that song or the last time they talked with a lost loved one, or the place where they had their last favorite meal with someone they miss. Emotions can ambush you, showing up at the most unexpected times and leave you perplexed...where did they come from?.....how can they be so strong?!

Yesterday, Phil and I were sitting at a restaurant called the Elephant Bar in San Francisco. Our big picture window looked out onto the bay and the runways of the airport. We were watching planes take off and land, enjoying a relaxed lunch, reminiscing about our time there. As I took a bite of my crab and shrimp salad, I looked out and watched a huge 747 jetliner from Singapore coast onto the runway. I'm thinking about how it is packed with passengers who have just ended a very long journey, and they are anxious to deplane and meet their loved ones. Out of nowhere, I am overwhelmed with emotion and begin to cry. Phil looks over at me and is shocked at the change in my demeanor from the minute before when we were smiling and laughing. He tries to figure it out and asks me if I need to leave. Tears are pouring down my cheeks, and I feel like I'm about to really sob. I realized the minute I saw the plane coming in that my mind had jumped to waiting for Emily's plane from Asia to land, bringing her home to us after eleven long months of separation. I imagined myself as one of those loved ones at the arrival gate, holding a sign, searching the faces, and anticipating that moment when we would finally be reunited and I could put my arms around her once again. I realized that I had been holding in so many emotions for so long, not allowing myself to let them escape, knowing that once free, there would be no stopping my tears. I realized at that one moment how much I longed to let go of fears and look into her eyes again....how much I've really really missed her....painfully missed her. I knew that the restaurant wasn't the place or time to experience the full onslaught of those feelings, so I fought them back into submission again. I feel so raw, so vulnerable...

But I can wait two more months...