It's so hard to believe that Emily is in month seven of the World Race!! How is that possible? When she left in January, it felt like she was leaving for life, and I braced myself for the long days of waiting and wondering. Sounds dismal, eh? Well it has been dismal some days....like when I haven't heard from her in two or three weeks (sometimes longer) because the internet is either unavailable in her "rain forest" or too weak in her town to receive a skype call. It can feel dismal when she's sick and hurting, and there's nothing I can do to comfort her or fix it...but pray...a lot...(the World Race is great for your prayer life!). It can feel dismal when she's worn down and discouraged, and I can't cook her favorite meal or a batch of chocolate chips cookies or rub her back, like I did when she was home or send her a care package like I did when she was in college!
Emily is enthusiastic and optimistic during our skype talks, because she's happy to see us, and she chooses to focus on the good and positive instead of the negative to keep her perspective. But once in a while, I ask her the hard questions to help her "feel". And it's weird how I've felt some of the same feelings as she has...sometimes simultaneously. I'm not saying that I've felt "all" the same feelings such as homesickness or craving for a certain food or the chronic aching in my feet (Em has foot problems) from hiking 5 miles to preach to a village or sticky and filthy from no shower for several days...those I can't say I've experienced, and even if I do, I can stay home, get off my feet or go take a shower! So, if I even hint about comparing my circumstances to her and her team, I will receive a verbal lashing and be labeled delusional and disconnected with reality! What I mean is that while she is feeling homesick, I'm feeling the same longing to see her...to hug her and talk face-to-face. So, it seems that as the Racers experience cycles of emotions throughout their year, so do their parents...at least I have.
For our kids, they started out with feelings of high hopes, exhilaration, enthusiasm and anticipation, then moved on to continued enthusiasm with a dose of reality but still energized...then on to "Okay, I'm doing some amazing, out-of-the-box stuff for God, and He and I are getting tighter", then to "Hey, I'm learning some new words in Spanish and I think God is calling me to work with at-risk-children..what's next?!", to "If I have to eat another plate of beans and tortillas and hear cats fighting outside my window for hours, I will go crazy" ...oh, and "I'm SO sick of these same clothes!" to "Why do my teammates annoy me so much?" Then there are days of sickness and nights of very little sleep, and more frustration with teammates (after all, when you spend that much time with the same people for that long, there is bound to be conflict). Eventually, they say, "Now what was the reason I came on this journey????" Feelings of homesickness return and then the realization hits that they have five more months to go! Then month six surprises them..."Wow, that was the best month of ministry ever!" and while their energy is renewed, it's short-lived because 'letdown' follows from the 'high' of month six as they adjust to a new culture, feeling like the next four months may never end. But hope surges again from the exhilaration of a breakthrough with a teammate or a great ministry moment.... and on and on. I'm sure I can't speak for everyone, because though situations may be similar to all racers, life issues out of their control prior to the race affect their responses to the conditions they find themselves in. But, generally speaking, the racers' moods and emotions go through this pattern, and though I can't say I've experienced the same conditions, I can say that I've had similar cycles of highs and lows and steady days...partly because I tend to feel the feelings of my child and bear her burdens, and partly because I'm going through my own life struggles at the same time which include those moments I wouldn't change if I could and those moments I would love to change but can't.
So, by month seven, I'm wearing down and I'm ready to see my kid! I'm sick of being separated. I feel like I hit a wall when she did. They say the racers hit one about month five. Well, check....I've hit one too, because I'm tired of missing her, and I'm feeling like I can't wait another six months. It's no longer okay that the internet doesn't function well or that she may not be able to blog or email next month! At first, I told myself that it was okay, that it hasn't been that long...just relax. Now, I don't know what to say to her when she needs encouragement, because I NEED ENCOURAGEMENT!
Anyway, enough venting! Even though we parents can't totally relate to our kid's feelings and struggles, we have our own which seem to track with theirs and somehow, it all keeps us connected and embraced for the time being until we will all be reunited again....oh how sweet it will be!
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